Category Archives: Audio and Video

ADHD Grows Up: New perspectives on ADHD

 

ADHD, Executive functions, emotions, and comorbidities.New perspectives on ADHD plus a Video tour

Compiled by Joan Jager

 

ADHD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder looks different in adults. This realization has been slowly changing how we understand ADHD and its expression throughout the lifespan. 

Inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity have long been considered the classic hallmarks of ADHD, but those symptoms change as the brain matures. We once thought that children with ADHD “outgrew” it in their teens. Any lingering problems were dismissed or thought to be better explained by other disorders. However, further research has shown that about 60% to 75% percent of children with ADHD continue to demonstrate symptom persistence and impairment in some area of their adult life. (1) Researchers and other experts on ADHD began to realize that Adult ADHD presented as a much more complex disorder than was reflected by the current diagnostic guidelines for ADHD in children. Furthermore, these discoveries are rewriting our entire perspective on ADHD.

We now realize that the symptom called inattention is better described as Variable Attention. This is true both for children and adults. When a person with ADHD is interested, challenged, or under the right amount pressure, they can indeed focus. Indeed, they may be so involved that they go into hyper-focus and ignore everything else. This explains how kids can spend hours playing Minecraft and other video games, but feel overwhelmed by homework that has no intrinsic reward.

ADHD has long been thought of as neurobehavioral condition but has since been reclassified as a neuro-developmental disorder. —- That is, certain brain structures are up to 10% smaller in someone with ADHD and connections in the brain’s neural network are underdeveloped.  (2) New research posits that ADHD is a disorder of self-regulation.  That is, the ability to control one’s attention, impulsivity, and emotions, is significantly delayed in the ADHD brain. Research has also shown that although “ADHD is a genetic disorder, DNA is not working alone. Stress, diet, and environmental toxins change the brain as well” according to researcher Joel Nigg, Ph.D., writing for ADDitude Magazine. (3)

The core issue with ADHD is perhaps better described as Executive Dysfunction.  These are constructs that describe “problems of a neurobiological nature that particularly affect “planning, flexibility, organization, and self-monitoring.” (4) Getting out the front door on time, being able to find the tools that you need, attending to the work of the day without getting off track, and finishing small tasks that lead to project completion over time are all important skills. This is called self-regulation, the ability to control your attention and take action towards future goals. Russell Barkley, Ph.D. explains this concept well in this 3-minute video.

ADHD and Executive Function

Most notably, by adulthood, Hyperactivity and Impulsivity are often no longer overtly physical. Instead, they become internalized with age and are better described as Emotional Dyscontrol, a major, albeit often overlooked symptom of ADHD.  Emotional dysregulation, as Steven V. Faraone, Ph.D. describes it, is “the failure to modify emotional states in a manner that promotes adaptive behavior and leads to the success of goal-directed activities.” This may involve just feeling impatient and getting frustrated. Or you may be paralyzed by not knowing how to proceed, lose your temper or be so overwhelmed that your ability to get started or to finish a project is short-circuited. In other words, our ability to suppress our emotions or express them appropriately is poor. (5)

For further information, watch this 3 ½ minute video with Dr. Farraone.

ADHD and Emotionality: What’s the Connection?

 

It’s important that we acknowledge that ADHD is a  complex and highly comorbid disorder. (Comorbidity or co-occurring, means having two or more diagnosable and related conditions at the same time) (6) Indeed, researchers are discovering that ADHD “seldom rides alone.” Studies suggest comorbidity rates of between 50% and 90%. This complex interplay between ADHD and its commonly occurring comorbid psychiatric disorders complicates diagnosing and treating ADHD. (7) “Knowing that ADHD symptoms transform over time, offers researchers and clinicians new opportunities for treating ADHD symptoms and ADHD adults new opportunities for understanding their own gifts and challenges.” (8)

Getting diagnosed and treated in adulthood can change lives. This 3-minute video depicts one man’s  Adult ADHD Treatment Success Story.

Medication can help. Learning coping skills adds to our bag of treatment ideas – Writing everything down, setting timers, creating habits and routines to help with organization and planning all help. But we’d be remiss if we focused merely on improving our ability to get things done. Too often being productive is the only measure by which we judge a man. But success can come in many forms. Focusing on our inner values and strengths is another way to approach finding our purpose in life.

 David Giwirec of the ADD Coach Academy (ADDCA) notes “Who you are and your associated self-worth is not based on how well you do things. Who you are is who you choose to be based on your important, heartfelt, character values and strengths. Learn how to focus on what’s important, so you don’t get emotionally hijacked by the expectations of inconsistent performance.” (9) His 3-minute video explains more.

Cultivating Habits of the Heart

Ron Kessler, Ph.D. of Harvard and the World Health Organization promoted his presentation comparing ADHD in kids to their behavior of kids with ADHD to adults at the American of Professional Society of ADHD and Related Disorders (APSARD) conference in 2015.  I have hit the high points above, but the video is also worth watching. Much of it is presented as slides accompanied by the transcribed interview. If you prefer reading to watching, APSARD offers a full transcription. (9)

 How ADHD Grew Up as ADHD Kids Grew into ADHD Adults   (11-minutes)

References

  1. Could my Child’s ADHD Symptoms follow Him or her into Adulthood? (60%) (U.S.News & World Report, April 26, 2017)…” (Link works) http://health.usnews.com/health-care/patient-advice/articles/2017-04-26/could-my-childs-adhd-symptoms-follow-him-or-her-into-adulthood Harvested August 31, 2017 – Also see CHADD’s Fact Sheet about ADHD (75%) http://www.chadd.org/Portals/0/Content/CHADD/NRC/Factsheets/aboutADHD.pdf  Numbers have changed over time and can vary by how it is measured. – Harvested October 24, 2017
  1. Is there an ADHD Spectrum? By ADDitude Editors, Janice Rodden, Joel Nigg. Ph.D. https://www.additudemag.com/is-there-an-adhd-spectrum/ Harvested August 31, 2017)
  2. More Than Just Genes: How Environment, Lifestyle, and Stress Impact ADHD by Joel Nigg, Ph.D. ADDitudeMag https://www.additudemag.com/epigenetics-and-adhd-how-environment-impacts-symptoms/ Harvested August 31, 2017
  3. Lazy Kid or Executive Dysfunction –  LD online – http://www.ldonline.org/article/6311 – Harvested June 13, 2017
  4. Emotional Dysregulation and ADHD in Adults by Steven V. Faraone – http://adhdinadults.com/emotional-dysregulation-and-adhd/ – Harvested June 13, 2017
  5. ***ADHD and Comorbidity: What’s under the tip of the iceberg? by Carol Watkins – I recommend this quite readable exploration of a difficult subject.  http://ncpamd.com/add-comorbidity/– Harvested June 13, 2017
  6. ADHD in Children With Comorbid Conditions: Diagnosis, Misdiagnosis, and Keeping Tabs on Both – By Stephen V. Faraone, PhD; Arun R. Kunwar, MD – Medscape  (Link works) http://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/555748 Harvested June 13, 2017 – See list of common co-existing conditions below.
  7. YouTube description of Cultivating Habits of the Heart – Harvested June 24, 2107 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LUJv1Wnfbc
  8. YouTube description of How ADHD Grew Up. – Harvested June 13, 2017 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBx9QTtcvC0

Common conditions that often co-exist with AD/HD (10)

Disruptive Behavior Disorders
(CD, ODD)
Learning disabilities
Mood disorders
Tourettes
Tourettes/OCD
Anxiety

Health Risk Behaviors:
Smoking
Abnormal risk-taking and impulsive behaviors
Risk for injury (what types)
Substance abuse
Criminality

There’s a good Venn Diagram from an article by Joseph Biederman and Stephen Faraone, Harvard Mahoney Neuroscience Institute Letter – Winter 1996 Volume 5 Number 1 – Found at http://ncpamd.com/add-comorbidity/ July 20, 2017 – I wasn’t able to copy it.

10. From ADHD Long-term Outcomes: Comorbidity, Secondary Conditions, and Health Risk Behaviors – Center for Disease Control –  https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/workshops/outcomes.html – Harvested June 13, 2017

Photo Credits:

 

(Title photo from facebook/Credit unknown) Modified on Canva

 

Step by Step to Success with ADHD: Newsletter

January 2018 Newsletter

 

Hello again,

Happy New Year! Or is it?

Hope you’re doing better than I have been. December brought a number of challenges that interfered with key “small habits” that make up my normal routines.  I stopped keeping a food diary, skipped my daily walks, and steadily gained weight.  I skipped group coaching meetings and body double sessions. They provide both support and keep me on track for tasks I find challenging. Planning and scheduling my days was hit or miss. Projects were left undone and worst of all I berated myself for every misstep.  I’m slowly getting back on track, but am once again reminded of how important these hard-won habits have been for keeping me on track and “drama free.”

I also struggle with reflecting on past achievements and failures and making resolutions.  For me, adding habits are much more effective.  I love what Stacey Turis of Tales of an Absent-minded Superhero has to say about making resolutions.

“Resolutions don’t really work on our Tribe

because we’re pretty much on a self-imposed,

self-improvement plan 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Like…our resolutions never freaking end.”

When you have ADHD, creating structure, building habits and creating routines are the pathway to success.  One casualty of dropping my routines was this newsletter.  I apologize for being late.

  • Making this your best year yet. (Video with transcript)
  • Why routines are better than resolutions. (Video)
  • 5 Steps to super-simple planning
  • Setting up routines for your household
  • Free” Printables” to create a mail system and launch pad for your house or workplace.
  • Two personal stories for both adults and parents.

Continue newsletter here 

That’s all for now. Hope you find at least one thing new to try. Learning to cope with ADHD is an ongoing process.  Remember, small changes can make a big difference. Take care,

Joan Jager

ADD freeSources

Follow us on Facebook   or  Pinterest

(Photo courtesy of freedooom/freedigitalphoto.net) Modified on Canva.com

 

Step by Step to Success with ADHD

January 2018 Newsletter

 

Hello again,

Happy New Year! Or is it?

Hope you’re doing better than I have been. December brought a number of challenges that interfered with key “small habits” that make up my normal routines.  I stopped keeping a food diary, skipped my daily walks, and steadily gained weight.  I skipped group coaching meetings and body double sessions. They provide both support and keep me on track for tasks I find challenging. Planning and scheduling my days was hit or miss. Projects were left undone and worst of all I berated myself for every misstep.  I’m slowly getting back on track, but am once again reminded of how important these hard-won habits have been for keeping me on track and “drama free.”

I also struggle with reflecting on past achievements and failures and making resolutions.  For me, adding habits are much more effective.  I love what Stacey Turis of Tales of an Absent-minded Superhero has to say about making resolutions.

“Resolutions don’t really work on our Tribe

because we’re pretty much on a self-imposed,

self-improvement plan 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Like…our resolutions never freaking end.”

When you have ADHD, creating structure, building habits and creating routines are the pathway to success.  One casualty of dropping my routines was this newsletter.  I apologize for being late.

 

This year, I’m trying to follow the advice in 5 ADHD Strategies to Make This Your Best Year Yet, a short video with a transcript by Coach Linda Walker.

The first strategy, she states, is developing a scaffolding of routines and rituals. She says, “Building and adopting routines does not lead to a boring life. It reduces chaos.” She further outlines how vital it is to meet your basic physical and emotional needs and learning to work with your strengths rather than always trying to compensate for your weaknesses.

 

Jessica McCabe of How to ADHD has an imaginative video on the importance of building routines as well. (I’m also going to check out next week’s video on what to do when you need to rebuild your routines to fit life changes.  – January, 11. 2017)

Why Routines Are More Helpful Than New Years’ Resolutions – 4-minutes

 

One routine I’ve struggled with is setting up a time and method of planning that works for me.  Coach Alan Brown outlines a 5 Step super-simple planning process in Simple Structures to Leverage the Power of Planning. (link works)

STEP 1: Set aside 5 minutes to PLAN. Set reminders or schedule a time of day.

STEP 2: Don’t do ANYTHING else.

STEP 3: Jot down key appointments and no more than three must-do items for the day.

STEP 4:  Assign a TIME for your appointments and key objections for the day. Knowing WHEN you will do them greatly increases your odds of completion.

STEP 5: Use a timer throughout the day. Ask yourself whether you’re still focused on your plan.

 

I like these free Printables for planning and/or scheduling from Emily Ley.  Most of her bound planners are sold out, but you can save yourself over $50 by making your own planner.   I especially like her Simplified Weekly Planner. Use 2 pages to make up a week – Just split the bottom sections of the second sheet for Saturday and Sunday.  You can also find a daily planning sheet among her other printables.

 

 Beyond planning,  my favorite ideas to create household structures and routines come from organizer Hazel Thornton’s series:  Six Organizing Structures Everyone Needs Six Organizing Structures Everyone Needs. (Link works – http://www.org4life.com/six-organizing-systems-everyone-needs-introduction/) Hazel gives you 5 questions to ask that help you establish or tweak your routines for laundry, dishes, creating a launch pad, dealing with the paper flow or clutter flow, and getting things done.

 

I also found two Printables on How to set up your Launchpad and/or Organize your Mail.  These step-by-step instructions from Michele V can be printed out in color or black and white.

 

Ultimately, having ADHD is an intensely personal experience. No two of us will show the same symptoms or require the same treatment. We need different medications, ongoing changes in structures and routines, and distinct ways to handle our emotional reactions.  There IS help available, but it is an ongoing process of discovery, trial and error, and acceptance.

Learning how other people have coped is often a help.  Drew Dakessian shares her story in  7 things about ADHD I wish I had always known. She shares:

  • ADHD has nothing to do with your personality or morality.
  • Stimulant medication isn’t the be-all, end-all.
  • People will tell you to go easy on yourself, but still, expect you to be ‘on.’

 

Parenting children with ADHD requires understanding how ADHD affects behavior as well as controlling your own responses. Impact ADHD, a parent coaching service has this advice in Four Things any Successful Supermom Knows.  

  • Manage Triggers Consciously
  • Take care of your own needs.
  • Practice Radical Compassion
  • Let Go of Resentment

 

That’s all for now. Hope you find at least one thing new to try. Learning to cope with ADHD is an ongoing process.  Remember, small changes can make a big difference. Take care,

Joan Jager

ADD freeSources

Follow us on Facebook.    Pinterest Boards of interest include Coaching Tips, Habits and Routines, House and Home, as well as Planners.

 

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ADHD and the Practice of Gratitude

“Gratefulness makes you fearless,” “It makes you trust life.”By Kari Miller, Ph.D., BCET

“Gratefulness makes you fearless,” “It makes you trust life.”

– David Steindl-Rast

Most people have heard about practicing gratitude, and maybe even know that research has proven many benefits from making gratitude a habit in your life.

But, specifically, how is a practice of gratitude related to improving ADHD symptoms?

Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep improves executive function – for example, focus, planning, decision making, and regulating emotions. Improved executive functions enhance your performance which improves your mood and reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment. Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for. And the cycle goes on…!!!

The neurochemistry of gratitude – you want some scientific evidence, don’t you?

Gratitude has a direct effect on depression symptoms (the more gratitude you feel, the less depressed you are) and an indirect effect on anxiety (more gratitude leads to improved sleep, which leads to lower anxiety).

Feeling grateful activates regions of the brain associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine. First of all, dopamine allows us to take charge of our attention – to shine a spotlight on the one thing we want to focus on – and ignore other competing demands on our attention.

Dopamine makes movements easier, so more dopamine in our brain allows us to be more fluid and efficient in our movements, including helping us to be more efficient thinkers.

Dopamine is the reward chemical, so when we get an extra dose of it, our brain takes note of where the dopamine came from and actively seeks out the same experience in the future. This makes it much easier to establish a habit! So once you start actively looking for things to be grateful for, your brain will encourage you to continue looking for things to be grateful for because the brain loves to get hits of dopamine.

Another powerful effect of gratitude is that it boosts another neurotransmitter, serotonin. Serotonin improves your overall mood, helping you feel more significant, powerful and self-confident!

Serotonin is also a key player in the ability to go to sleep. The buildup of serotonin throughout the day reaches a threshold and triggers the onset of sleep.

Serotonin is also a key player in the brain’s ability to focus and screen out irrelevant information. Like dopamine, serotonin helps your brain to “shine a spotlight” on what you want to pay attention to.

Surprisingly, it’s not even necessary for you to actually think of things you are grateful for – simply trying to think of things to feel grateful for triggers the release of serotonin! Wow!

Of course, if you actually find things to feel grateful for, that just increases the amount of serotonin in your brain.

And by the way – finding the things you are searching for (in this case, actually thinking of things you are grateful for) is a form of achievement which triggers the release of dopamine!

So the more things you acknowledge true gratitude for, the easier it will be to pay attention, focus and use your muscles smoothly! And you’ll be fighting off depression and improving sleep in the process!

Practice gratitude with your family or as part of your daily routine.Gratitude habit    

 Even though it’s easy to see how gratitude can lessen the symptoms of ADHD, it still can be hard to get into a “gratitude habit.”

So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives, aren’t we! We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for something, anything we are truly grateful for, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see our life as an opportunity and a blessing.

There are many things to be grateful for: a favorite food, an exciting experience, someone who cares about us, the opportunity to choose. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

  • Keep a gratitude journal. You can make daily, weekly or monthly entries. Don’t force it – this will work better if you are truly interested in doing it.
  • Make a gratitude collage by drawing or cutting out and pictures and adding words..
  • Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
  • Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation, or as Esther Hicks would say, “Reach for the better-feeling thought!”
  • When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
  • Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

Now that you have read all the way to the end of this article…

…think about ways to insert gratitude into your life so you can reap the benefits of improved mood, better attention, more restful sleep and greater control of everything in your life that is important to you!

 

About the author: Kari Miller, Ph.D, BCET is a board-certified educational therapist with a Ph.D. in educational psychology. She’s been educating and coaching adults and young people who have ADHD and learning disabilities for thirty years.  She has compiled the very best research to create success programs for women ready to reclaim the power in their lives!

Kari is an expert at helping her clients strategically leverage their personal strengths into productive action! She is passionately committed to guiding women with ADHD as they take control of their lives by getting in touch with their real assets and overcoming the real reasons they get stuck. Kari Miller coaches women by phone or Skype anywhere in the world through private and group coaching programs.

 

Top: Photo courtesy of Canva – http://www.canva.com

Bottom: (Photo courtesy of David Costello/FreeDigitalPhoto.net) Modified on Canva http://www.canva.com 

 

 

From Discovery to Acceptance: Strategies for ADHD

November, 2017

Newsletter for ADD freeSources – Email for Newsletter – Short version

By Joan Riley Jager

I didn’t discover that I had ADHD until my mid-thirties, but the clues had been there. At school, teachers saw a noisy space cadet who failed to wait her turn or stand in line.  I struggled in a number of different areas as well, especially writing and homework. “Fails to meet expectations” was always the first comment on my report cards.

College and young adulthood brought additional responsibilities and more opportunities to fail. With marriage and children, my ability to manage my life effectively was marked by dumb mistakes and last-minute efforts that remained incomplete as often as not. None of my earlier “foibles” had been resolved and managing and maintaining a house while keeping myself on track was beyond my ability. I began to search for answers.

Through pure luck, I found a local support group with monthly speakers and a growing library of books, audio, and videotapes. The director of the group, Cynthia Hammer, MSW provided inspiration and help with her handout The ADD Journey: Help for the Road Ahead. Cynthia outlined 4 steps to the process – from first realizing there may be a problem through what holistic treatment for ADHD can do for you or your family. It’s a long article but covers what it means to find success with ADHD quite well.

  • Discovery and Diagnosis
  • Increasing Awareness
  • Restructuring
  • Self-Acceptance

For many of us, hallmarks of ADHD are Chronic Disorganization of our environment, a lack of awareness of time, and problems with starting and finishing tasks. Medication and other treatments help. For more on that, see A PHYSICIAN’S PERSPECTIVE on ADHD Medications by Dr. Ted Mandelcorn. But additional strategies to manage your life effectively are necessary. The rest of the Newsletter provides more specific strategies for restructuring your life and environment. You CAN live a better life with ADHD, but as the saying goes, “Pills don’t teach skills.”

At the age of 62, I’ve tried a number of ideas on how to keep my life and household on track. Some worked, but many were not very useful with ADHD symptoms confusing the issue. My feature article this month is a collection of resources I’ve collected that ARE suited to the way the ADHD mind works.

Manage your Life, House, and Home with ADHD – What I know now that I wish I knew then. –I’ve included ideas for Planning, To-do lists, De-cluttering, Developing Systems, Creating Habits, and building Routines. I’ve also included pertinent Pinterest Boards and a few videos.  Many of the ideas, but not all, deal with keeping your house, home and family under control.

You might also like these Unusual ADHD Coping Strategies You Haven’t Tried. It includes 80 ADHD strategies for living a better life with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine readers.  Adults and parents devised, modified, and refined these ideas themselves to work for them. They also recommend a few APPs.

  • Best tips for adults: For Disorganization, impulsive moments, and getting things done.
  • For parents: Discipline tips, getting teachers on your team, and tips for getting kids to sleep.
  • APPs 4 U: To do more each day, calm down, and to manage time.

The best strategies build on your natural interests and skills. Coach Linda Walker writes on the importance of strengths and self-advocacy for both adults and children. Don’t miss her Twelve Great Strategies that Help ADHDers Thrive.

VIDEO

Cultivating Habits of the Heart (3-minutes) “Focusing on our inner values and strengths is another way to approach finding our purpose in life.”

“Too often being productive is the only measure by which we judge a man. But success can come in many forms…. “Who you are and your associated self-worth is not based on how well you do things…Learn how to focus on what’s important, so you don’t get emotionally hijacked by the expectations of inconsistent performance.” ~  ADHD coach David Giwirec

AUDIO 

Enjoy ADDA’s TADD Talks (Talking about ADD) They are like TED Talks, only shorter, with presenters from the conference speaking. Two of my favorites each run about 8 to 10-minutes.

“ADHD Meds – Use Your Brain All Day!” with Dr. John Bailey  and  “From shame to compassion: Internal Family Systems and ADHD” with Michel Fitos, AAC

That’s it for now. Until next month,

Joan Riley Jager

ADD freeSources

Find us on Pinterest or Facebook

 

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5 Tips to Make Life Easier for Yourself as an ADHD Parent

Parents deserve help and support. The whole family will thrive.Guest post by Diane Dempster (All links return to Impact ADHD)

 

Some tasks, like driving, become automatic when we master them. When you’re 16, every turn of the wheel requires conscious thought (or should!). Once you learn, you go on autopilot unless something jars you – a car in the wrong lane, a dog running into the road, a police cruiser in your rearview mirror when you’re going 60mph in a 50mph zone.

Well, parenting is not an automatic task! We can’t go on autopilot, especially when our kids have ADHD. Something is always jarring us – a meltdown, a bad report card, a 10-minute worksheet that turns into an evening-long struggle. We always have to be “on,” and it’s exhausting. How can we give ourselves a break?
ADHD is a neurobiological condition – and it’s highly heritable. Many parents struggle with a double whammy: raising an ADHD kid and having ADHD. Parenting calls heavily on our executive functions, a set of cognitive skills and processes that are impaired in ADHD brains. When you’re dealing with executive function deficits and then trying to act as the executive function for your child – well, that creates some difficult family dynamics!

On the other hand, you may not have ADHD. You don’t understand why it’s hard to do a quick homework assignment or how your child can misplace her shoes every single day. Why does she need a checklist at age 14 to remember to brush her teeth? It’s frustrating! But that’s her life.

Whether your kid’s brain doesn’t work the same way yours does, or whether your kid’s brain works exactly the same way yours does, parenting is work! Some days you feel like Sisyphus, struggling with the weight of the rock – knowing you’re going to have to get up and do it all over again in the morning.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We rolled our share of boulders up steep mountains, but when you learn how to support your kid,  when you seek support for yourself, the load gets lighter. Some days, you don’t need to struggle. Some days, you don’t need to work quite so hard. And some days you do – but you’re better able to handle them. To make things easier for yourself:

  • Tackle one challenge at a time. Sure, you need systems for getting out of the house on time in the morning, for getting the homework done, for ensuring your child does his chores, brushes his teeth, gets his exercise, eats his veggies…I’m overwhelmed already. Choose one. Do it. Master it. Then move on to the next one!
  • Know what works for your child and what does not. The ADHD brain needs motivation to do anything. What is your kid’s motivation to do his chores? Is it an allowance? Time on electronics? Is it a house rule with consequences if he doesn’t do it? What is going to drive him to do what he needs to do? Understand his disposition and motivators, and you have a powerful key.
  • Set clear expectations. Your child needs to understand what you expect, and you need to be consistent. Base your expectations on where your child is, keeping the challenge at her level. If it’s too hard, she will give up and feel like a failure. Expect great things from your kids – but start where they are and build them up.
  • Keep it simple. If, for instance, your child is upset, teach him that it is ok to go to his room and get his favorite book. Let him know that this is a simple structure that will help him calm down and reset. You don’t need complex systems. The easier, the better.
  • Take care of yourself. Parents who are happy and healthy can give their kids a much better shot at success at home, at school, and in life. Take the time to be kind to yourself and find the support you need to manage life with an ADHD kid.

Parents play a tremendous role in their kids’ lives. You are the difference between a lifetime of struggle and a happy future. Without your love and support, ADHD kids tend to falter and fall. With your support, there’s no limit to what they can accomplish.

No one is as critical in their lives, and because you’re so important, you deserve some help and support yourself. The whole family will thrive as a result.

 

By Parent coach Diane Dempster. Article originally appeared on ImpactADHD.com and is reproduced with the permission of ImpactADHD™- Impact ADHD provides quality information, Parent coaching programs as well as individual coaching. Check out their Parents’ Community Facebook page

Source: http://impactadhd.com/organize-your-life-and-family/5-tips-to-make-life-easier-for-yourself-as-an-adhd-parent/

 

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ADHD Choices: Things I CAN do!

Change I can’t into I CAN!Guest post by Happy (aka Megan)

I have been having discussions with a friend about choices.  She knows I have ADHD and she knows I can’t get rid of it.  However, she doesn’t let me off the hook when I use my ADHD as a reason why I can’t do something.

“I can’t always control my emotions.”

“I call bull shit.  You can, you just choose not to.”

 

Is that true? I know that my impulse control (or lack thereof) makes it very difficult for me to ignore my gut reactions even when they are completely wrong.  And I know that my emotions can escalate wildly out of control in a heartbeat.  I also know that my lack of emotional control affects my family greatly and often in negative ways.

How can I make a choice over something I don’t have control over? Maybe I have to think about what I “can’t” do differently.  When I have a gut reaction or start to escalate what CAN I do?

WHAT CAN I DO?

In a situation like this, I remove myself if my emotions start to escalate.  Blue Eyes and I have a rule that if my emotions are over a 3 in a scale of 1-10 (yes, a 3) I need to remove myself from the conversation until I can collect myself and analyze the situation and my emotions.  I try and look at the situation from every angle. What am I really upset about?  What exactly was said that triggered me?  And I don’t come back to the conversation until I am under control.

Do I always succeed? No.  When it comes to my emotions do I often spiral out of control and it takes me hours to come out of it? Yes.  Sometimes I think I probably should remove myself until I can sleep it off.  That’s a little harder since life still has to go on.  What I know for sure is that I don’t have to subject my family to my crazy.  I am still a work in progress.  We all are.  But my thought process has changed.  There is a lot more I CAN do than I give myself credit for.  And if I don’t think I can, I know someone that will call me on my bullshit.

 

Other things I CAN do:

I can’t find my keys…. I CAN put a GPS tracking device on my keychain (or wallet or cat).

I can’t remember to take my meds…. I CAN make sure I have meds in the bathroom, my work bag, and my desk at work to make sure when I do remember the meds are available.  Also, a reminder on my phone telling me to take my meds!

I can’t keep a to-do list… I CAN have a notebook/phone/computer/Bullet Journal to help me with a list of to do’s.

I can’t find my notebook… I CAN always keep it in the same place so I always know where it is.  I CAN set alarms on my phone to remind me to look at my to-do list.

I can’t remember to sign my child’s permission slips… I CAN put reminders in my calendar, my spouse’s calendar, and phone to check my child’s backpack every single night to make sure there is nothing I need to look at. While I’m in there I might as well check on homework too.

I can’t pay my bills on time… I CAN set up automatic bill pay so that money is taken out of my account at the right time every month and I don’t have to think about it.

I can’t remember or bring myself to do any of these things… I CAN take one step at a time.  Moving forward and making the smallest step is progress towards success.

I can, I can, I can….

The point is that even though my brain doesn’t allow me to do normal things in a normal way, I can try and find a way to do them so I am successful.  My brain isn’t “normal”.  I can’t expect it to work that way.

 

I usually end my posts by telling you what’s distracting me and asking you to do the same.  I’d like to change it up a little and ask you to tell me how you have changed I can’t into I CAN.  Leave some ideas in the comments so we can all learn from each other.

XOXOXO

Happy

 

About the author: Happy of Happy Hyper Shiny is a woman, mom, friend, and human with ADHD just trying to figure things out.

“I was diagnosed at 16 but only really started understanding ADHD about two years ago, around age 37.
I have two little girls, 9 and 4.
I work full time in Boston and commute about 3 hours a day.
The blog is currently anonymous due to the nature of my job. It’s not
something I like to tell people I work with.  But my real name is Megan.
🙂
I’m also married and have a large dog and fat cat.
I seriously love Harry Potter.

‘

Originally published as ADHD: I CAN’T…. OR CAN I? I HAVE A CHOICE. http://www.happyhypershiny.com/adhd-i-cant-or-can-i/

 

(Photo courtesy of ddpavumba/FreeDigitalPhoto.net) Modified on Canva

 

Meet ADHD Challenges with Acceptance and Connection

Accepting Life with ADHD: August 2017 Newsletter

 

Thrive with ADHD through self-acceptance.We are lucky to have two posts this month from guest author Elizabeth Lewis, founder of  A Dose of Healthy Distraction. We’ll expand on her work with a  focus the on how it feels to have ADHD and the power of self- acceptance in finding new ways to meet the challenges of ADHD.

I struggle with feeling worthy, like I am ENOUGH, just as I am. (That I’m doing pretty well. …considering everything…most of the time.)  I suspect that I am not alone in feeling this way.

But, I AM getting better and feeling more comfortable in my own skin.  I’ve been blessed by many people who reassure me, who see and nurture my gifts with love. Support groups, coaches, and group coaching members have been a great help as well.  

As you enjoy the final days of summer, consider this FREE 12-week self-coaching program that ADHD coach Linda Walker is leading again this year.  Short videos introduce each segment with a simple assignment for the week. These help you develop small habits to build routines for accomplishing both daily tasks and larger projects. I had great results following the steps last year. Try it out!

How does it feel to have ADHD?

And what can we do about it?

 

Elizabeth Lewis delves into the emotions many people with ADHD deal with in Against the Wind: How it Feels to be a Woman with ADHD.  Liz writes, “It seems like we are forgetful or careless. Sometimes we come off as self-centered or even lazy. But you are not lazy or unmotivated. And you are not self-centered.”

“ADHD is frustrating and infuriating. A lifetime of criticism, from our self and others, really takes its toll.” Women and girls have traditionally been underdiagnosed and feel overwhelmed by combined roles of working, homemaking, and caretaking.  But, man, woman or child – all report the frustration, racing thoughts, mental exhaustion, and irritability that Liz describes. These feelings reflect problems with managing well at home, school, in the workplace, and socially. Because of these feelings of failure, individuals with ADHD often judge themselves unfavorably.

Shame and Acceptance

 

All too often children and adults with ADHD “view themselves as fundamentally different and flawed.” William Dodson, M.D. writes on this encompassing feeling and how to overcome its hold on us for ADDitude Magazine in “When the Shame of Living with a Disorder Is Worse Than the Disorder Itself.” He points out that “Feeling shame is different from feeling guilt. Guilt focuses on what is done. Shame focuses on who one is.”

But, “What if you loved yourself, laziness and all? What if you loved yourself, all that is ugly and incompetent and mean, along with the beauty and brilliance and kindness?” In Unconditional Acceptance of Yourself, Leo Babauta of Zen Habits talks about this radical change. Acceptance does not mean you cannot make improvements in your life, Leo says, “Acceptance isn’t stagnation — you will change no matter what. You can’t avoid changing. The question is whether that change comes from a place of acceptance and love, or a place of self-dislike and dissatisfaction.”

For good examples of how this acceptance leads to successful change and self-advocacy, see  “Know your Brain” (Link works) by Psych Central’s  “ADHD Millennial” blogger Neil Peterson. He explains, “The key to making progress on managing my ADHD was the shift from trying to change internal things that I can’t control to changing external things that I can control… In other words,  shifting from trying to change my brain to accepting my brain and trying to change my environment.”

Dr. William Dodson in Secrets of the ADHD Brain explains that with the ADHD brain, interest, a challenge, novelty, urgency or a strong sense of purpose help spur action We can develop routines for most mundane tasks but, we usually need an extra boost for projects. Medication helps with many symptoms, but you will need additional supports to manage your life well. Rather than focus on remedying areas where you struggle, you need to use your specific tools that get you “in the zone” and help you start each morning feeling motivated and capable.

What do you need to do to turn your brain on? How can you put your knowledge to work for you to adapt your life and environment?

 

See our Pinterest Boards for many more ideas on coming to accept your brain and how it works at its best: What’s Getting in Your Way,   Lead with your Strengths,  and Self-advocacy. If you’re not on Pinterest, you can access the boards through ADD freeSources on Facebook.  Look for the Pinterest section on the menu.

 

Acceptance for Parents

Acceptance of their child’s diagnosis and meeting their needs is vital for parents as well.

In How to Accept your Child’s Diagnosis: Even When it Hurts, Elizabeth Lewis reveals her ongoing process.  First and foremost, remember to enjoy your child. Love them, and seek to understand their differences – both their talents and challenges. You’ll also need to take personal time, grieve, and modify your vision for the future. Be ready to support and advocate for your child and teach them to ask for help to meet their own needs.

Liz admits that “I am scared and I am sad. But I know I am not alone.  A diagnosis gives you the chance to learn and grow and provide the resources your child needs.”

 

The Awesomeness of Accepting our Children’s Diagnosis (Link works) by Penny Williams, blogger and parenting coach of Parenting ADHD and Autism, expands on this concept. Penny shares her insight learned through years of struggle. “I was allowing ADHD to be a barrier to success and joy by fixating on making it better.”

But, “There is no “fixing” ADHD. There’s no cure. Nothing will erase its symptoms. When I realized that I couldn’t’ make ADHD better, but I could make life with ADHD better, things took a drastic, positive turn forward. Our job is to make life better, not to make the disability better.”

Podcast and Videos

 

One person who found a way to thrive with ADHD through self-acceptance is ADHD advocate and educator Jessica McCabe, founder of the popular YouTube Channel How to ADHD.  ADHD pioneer Ned Hallowell interviews Jessica about how working with a coach helped her define her strengths and driving purpose. Listen to the Distraction Podcast: Jessica McCabe tells us How to ADHD. Link works. (20-minutes)  Together with her fiancée/producer Edward, Jessica has developed a unique service that now has over 100,000 subscribers.  Her friendly, “Hello brains!” invites viewers to enjoy her informative videos. You might also enjoy Jessica’s interviews with Hallowell.

 

Always remember that you are not alone. You need validation and connection. FIND your TRIBE!.

To provide a realistic yet positive community for women with ADHD, this month’s guest author Liz Lewis founded A Dose of Healthy Distraction, a website, and a private Facebook group.

The Find Support for ADHD section lists a number of online and in-person ADHD support groups to meet a wide variety of needs.

 

Understanding ADHD from a personal perspective will be the focus next month. You’ll find strategies for parenting with empathy, and tips for organizing and managing your life more effectively.

Until then,

Joan Jager

ADD freeSources.net

(Photo courtesy of Vlado/ FreeDigitalPhoto.net) Modified on Canva.com