Many of us are familiar with the idea of loving our spouses, children, or parents unconditionally — and we might even try to practice that unconditional love, though imperfectly.
But do we try to love ourselves unconditionally?
Consider whether you do any of these (I sure do):
Criticize your body.
Feel like you need to improve at things.
Feel guilty about things you do.
Feel undisciplined, lazy, unhappy with yourself.
Not feel good enough.
Fear that you’re going to fail, because you’re not good enough.
See yourself as not that good looking.
Feel bad about messing up.
For many of us, there’s an underlying feeling of not being good enough, wanting to be better, wanting to be in better shape or better at things. This isn’t something we think about much, but it’s there, in the background.
What if we applied unconditional acceptance of who we are? What if we took a good look at ourselves, our body, our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and said, “You are perfectly OK. You are perfectly good”?
Would that be a whole different experience for you? Could you accept every single thing about yourself, just as you are, without feeling that it needs to be changed?
I know what many people will immediately say: “But what’s wrong with wanting to improve, with seeing things that need to be improved? Doesn’t feeling bad about ourselves motivate us to change?”
Yes, it can be a motivator. But feeling bad about yourself can also be an obstacle: people who feel that they are fat, for example, are more likely to eat poorly and not exercise, because they see themselves as fat. They are likely to feel bad about themselves and to comfort themselves with food, alcohol, cigarettes, TV, Internet addictions.
What if instead, you loved yourself, fat body and all? What if you loved yourself, laziness and all? What if you loved yourself, all that is ugly and incompetent and mean, along with the beauty and brilliance and kindness?
This person who loves herself (or himself) … she’s more likely to take actions that are loving. Doing some mindful yoga, or taking a walk with a friend after work, eating delicious healthy food like beans and veggies and nuts and berries and mangos and avocados, meditating, drinking some green tea … these are loving actions.
Acceptance isn’t stagnation — you will change no matter what. You can’t avoid changing. The question is whether that change comes from a place of acceptance and love, or a place of self-dislike and dissatisfaction. I vote for unconditional love.
Originally published on ZenHabits by Leo Babauta, who allows others to freely re-post his work. Thank you, Leo – Source
“Photo courtesy of Stock Photos/FreeDigitalPhotos.net” Modified on Canva
You may not feel much like celebrating if you are discouraged and frustrated with ADHD. Negative thinking, constantly focusing on what is wrong, and denying or ignoring what is good and right is characteristic of people with ADHD.
People with ADHD have tremendous vitality and enthusiasm. They are creative and fun to be with when they are in an environment which supports them. Get a job which thrills you and a partner who believes in you to find the sparkle and passion of life.
The reason for making this list is that ALL (or most) AD(h)D’ers have a low self-esteem issue. I wanted to make this list to help myself as well as others.
Follow my steps to a better, more confident YOU!
After all, I made this list for my tribe!!
Let’s get started!
Your first step is STRUCTURE.
By creating structure, each day, you’re giving yourself a reason to wake up and get out of bed!
The second step echoes the first step. Set up a daily to-do list. This will give you a sense of accomplishment (it gives you a reason to be proud of yourself).
Step 3. FOCUS on your good qualities. Look in the mirror and choose 5 things about yourself that you DO like about you! Write these 5 things down and tape it to the mirror (changing the 5 things each week). By choosing 5 things you do like about yourself, you’re creating hope and mindfulness that goes deep down to create an inner peace. Inner peace leads to a sense of power and in a matter of weeks, a more confident you!
4. Be your own cheerleader! No one else will do it for you. Your only concern should be you. If you have to, tell yourself, “I can do this”, “I am going to do great”, “I AM worthy”.
5. Learn to LIKE yourself. Meditation works wonders!! Sit in a quiet place for 10 minutes and just breathe in and exhale all of that negativity.
6. Get CREATIVE. DIY projects, draw/sketch something, crochet or paint a landscape. Anything that makes you use your mind in a positive, constructive way.
7. Get ACTIVE! This means anything from exercise to walking up your street. You could also try Yoga or Karate. This activates the positive chemicals in your brain- happy vibes! If all else fails, DANCE!
Number 7 would tie in perfect for the eighth step as well, which is, SEEK SUPPORT. This can be a family member, a close friend, a Facebook support group or any other networking support groups. Enlist someone you trust to get active with you. Killing two birds with one stone is always a plus! By enlisting a close friend or relative, you’re getting the support aspect as well as working those happy brain cells. If you make this a habit and decide, “I’m not up for this today”, that partner will get your butt up and make you do it! Ah, support is great!! That brings me to number
9. All of us could use a little pep in our step and we’re not getting there by loading up on donuts. Try introducing a, once a day, healthy snack. This will promote energy and unlike donuts, won’t bog you down. With time, you can baby step your way to healthier meals. Instead of that scone in the morning, try a banana and yogurt. Protein and potassium make for a great and energizing way to start your day. An apple with peanut butter is a great option as well. Make that apple and peanut butter a snack and you have a totally guilt-free snack and an afternoon burst of energy!
10. GET OUTside or change the scenery. It’s a great way to promote a healthy mentality and a happier you.
11. TAKE CARE OF YOU! The world is an amazing place, but it’s also very stressful at the same time. Take time for yourself. Get a massage, pedicure or do something you love. (We’re nearly there!)
12. TRY SOMETHING NEW! This is a way to get out of your comfort zone. Say you decide to try Yoga, well, some of those stretches are hard to do. Go with me on this. You sign up for a class, get in there and do better than other first timers. That will boost your confidence and make you proud that you were able to try something new and excel! If you don’t do as well, hey, practice makes perfect and you’re working your way up to a brilliant confidence level while achieving a goal. That is definitely something to be proud of. It’s a double plus!
13. LEND A HAND! This is a no-brainer for me. I love helping. It makes my inner self-pleased to do something completely selfless and the reward- a smile on someone’s face. Examples of ways to help out are volunteering, helping an elder struggling to carry groceries etc. Get creative and look around. There’s always someone out there that needs a little assistance.
14. STEP IT UP. Comfort zones are hard to get away from but in order to succeed anywhere in life, you must step it up. Put on a smile (even if you’re not feeling it.) You never know who will see your smile and it impact their day and mood positively or, to go a bit further, your smile could save a life. I’m not kidding – Those people that are lonely, that never get noticed, the ones that keep a frown because no one cares – You notice. STEP IT UP, greet them. You may be preventing them from ending their life.
15. MEDITATE every morning to promote a peaceful mindset and every night before bed to promote a healthy, restful night’s sleep to wake refreshed and ready to begin your day.
16. BABY STEPS. Nothing happens overnight (Rome wasn’t built in a day), contrary to beliefs and otherwise. Start out slow and work your way up. All good things come with time, so be patient.
Finally, REINFORCE STEPS 1-16 each and every day. A healthier mind and body lead to a happier and more confident YOU!
Allow yourself to follow these steps and you will surely improve your esteem!
Just remember, I believe in you!
An ADHD diagnosis is far more common in males than females. However, many girls are often undiagnosed in childhood and only later in life realize that they, too, fit the diagnostic criteria. This lack of timely diagnosis and treatment has the potential to create far-reaching consequences academically, psychologically and socially, particularly in teenage girls. Why aren’t girls diagnosed with the same frequency as boys? The answer is that ADHD has a tendency to look very different in girls.
ADHD in females is often far more subtle and doesn’t fit neatly into the common stereotypes because girls tend to be less hyperactive and more compliant than boys, making ADHD more difficult to spot. Girls are far more likely to drift along in elementary school and struggle less than boys academically while, at the same time, falling far short of their potential and flying under the radar for referrals. By the middle and high school years, teenage girls often experience more apparent academic and social problems due to the increased demands and pressure to succeed.
What does a teenage girl with ADHD look like? The answer is; it depends on the girl. Some girls with ADHD may, in fact, be hyperactive and drawn to activities that are typically thought of as boyish. They tend to be disorganized, messy, rushers and risk takers, and tend to be viewed as undisciplined and unmotivated academically. Others fit into the daydreamer category. They are often shy and overlooked. Also, although they may appear to being paying attention, their minds are often elsewhere. The diagnosis of ADHD/Inattentive is an easy one to miss. These girls are quiet and not really bothering anyone, although they may be struggling tremendously internally. They tend to be anxious, self-critical and often appear depressed. Another form of ADHD seen in girls is a combination of both the hyperactive and inattentive types of ADHD, although these girls are often more hyper-talkative than hyperactive. Girls with a combined type diagnosis may present as active, excitable and emotional, have difficulty staying quiet in the classroom, interrupt others frequently and jump from topic to topic due to difficulty with organization of their thoughts. They tend to be risk-takers and often fall short of their potential academically.
Interestingly, teenage boys with ADHD tend to externalize their symptoms. They blame others for their poor grades, blame the stupid test they didn’t do well on, they act out and they act up. Boys with AHDH are usually difficult to ignore and are far more likely than girls to get the academic services and accommodations they need to succeed. Teenage girls, however, tend to be internalizers. They are more likely to blame themselves and turn their anger, frustration and pain inward. Without proper diagnosis, an understanding of how their unique brains work and without support for their skill deficits, every failure becomes evidence of their inadequacy. Girls often harbor feelings that they don’t belong, believe they are not smart enough, and view themselves quite simply as not being good enough. The price teenage girls with ADHD pay is far too often that of poor self-esteem, chronic stress, depression, anxiety and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed. These feelings arise from the very nature of the disorder itself; disorganization, poor time management, chronic lateness, difficulty sustaining attention, weak emotional control, distractibility and generally poor executive skills. What do teenage girls with ADHD need to thrive? Knowledge and support. Knowledge becomes power as the true nature of the ADHD diagnosis is revealed and its power to impact all life areas is uncovered. This self-knowledge sets the stage for change and self-advocacy. Support is essential to the successful management of ADHD. Skills need to be developed and turned into habits. Negative mindsets need to be reset. Structure must be created to develop routines. A sense of resiliency and mindfulness must form. And, compassion and understanding must prevail within the self and within the environment. ADHD is different for girls, but while it may be more subtle and not fit the common male stereotype of ADHD, it is no less debilitating and much more emotionally devastating in females.